If you could read my mind...

I'm sitting on a plane next to the most annoying guy I've seen in a long time. He looks like what you'd get if Dane Cook and that guy who won Project Runway last year (the tattooed one, not the fierce one) were morphed into one person. He's making me crazy. I'm not sure why. He seems fake. Fake like a poser. He's not hard rock, he has too much gum in his bag, and I'm sure I saw clean socks in there. No, not hard rock at all. Maybe its the professionaly tattered jeans or the teeshirt that's too tight. Maybe it is the leather necklace. It says, "I'm trying too hard". For such a little necklace, it sure is screaming 'tries too hard' loudly. Stop moving, asshole. Are you on amphetamines? Stop it. Now he's taking pictures of himself. Not that there's anything wrong with that... when I do it. But, when he does it it seems gay. And the way he shakes his head in disapproval of each picture before I see him save it just in case... annoying. I'm thankful for this Rilo Kiley song. I'm thankful she keeps swearing in my ears. I'm wondering why this isn't my theme song. Like, for my life. I'll be happy, I'll 'be positive though it hurts'. I will, because Rilo Kiley gets me. Nevermind. I hate you, sir. Yes I do. I don't know why I'm being so snarky. I didn't feel agitated when I got on, but the way you are so impressed with yourself when its so obvious that the only things that might be impressive are all fake. You're too short to be hot, too jumpy to be cool, too put-on to be real at all. No, you aren't real. The longer I sit here the more I expect to look over and have you not even have existed at all. Like some caricature of a real person. Like a warped version of a decent person who wouldn't keep sucking snot into their brain instead of blowing their nose. How funny would it be if I rang my flight attendant call button and asked for a tissue... for you. "This guy next to me needs to blow his nose". You'd probably have to take off your sunglasses. The ones that you hide behind so no one sees how transparent you are. The ones you think are hiding how many times you look at me. Why don't you ASK what I am reading? Ill show you and then you can make some stupid comment and then it will be done. It's The Bell Jar, about a woman slipping into insanity. At this moment, I can relate. This IS my theme song. I just decided. What's your theme song asshat? "I wanna be sedated"? Yes that's right. I just decided. If we don't land soon, I'm going to tell you exactly what I think of you. You know, as a service. A you're a 'total fucking loser' service. Come to think of it, I could offer this service to a LOT of people. Stop looking at me. Stop being so interested in my face. Yes, I see you looking. It makes me crazy. We are landing. I should turn this off. Too bad I can't turn off my annoyance with you as easily. Yeah, that's right... stand up, you tool. Stand up in the aisle like you might be going somewhere. Stand up and wait. What? WHAT? Oh. My. God. I knew it. Except I didn't know it, but SOMEHOW I DID! Is that your bag? Please tell me that's not your bag... It is. It totally is. You are a fucking pilot. A fucking pilot. Typical.