Lip Service

Last night, I had Lara Flynn Boyle on my flight. I almost didn't recognize her without the tutu, but it was her! She ended up being very nice.... very strange, but nice... which made me feel bad about the mass text I sent out regarding her botched lip job. But seriously, she looked a little like someone had beaten her up! The lips were huge, and also crooked. Very bizarre!

She ordered a ginger ale and a scotch neat and when she gave me her drink coupon, her sister had decorated it all over with highlighters telling her to 'have a good trip'. Then she kept ringing her call light (which you know I love) to give us magazines she had finished reading. It became this little game, where the other flight attendants would send me out to see what on earth she wanted this time, and I would giggle back my reports. Next, she rang her call light to tell me that her perfume was strong. Ummm... ok. She opened her purse, and I assumed it had spilled or something, but she pulled out a tiny bottle of expensive perfume oil and asked me to throw it away. She just kept going on and on about how strong it was and how embarrassed she was that it smelled so "pungent". "First of all," I said, "it smells fantastic. And second, you really can't smell it past your row. There's two babies in the back, and I assure you... it could smell like THAT, and then you could be embarrassed!" haha I'm such a dork. She insisted I take it away... so I did. And put it in my bag instead of throwing it away. (Which I admit is a little creepy, but it smelled great, and it's like $60 for a half an ounce. Why waste?) She rang her light three more times to talk about how strong it was, and I offered her another scotch to help her through her agony. Dewars and gardenia make for a lovely scent! Finally, I asked if I could get a picture with her, and she said she would be happy to... but when I asked if she'd like to come to the back so we'd be out of the way she said she couldn't possibly walk because she'd be too "Wooooooozy". She kept saying "I don't know how you DO this job!" and when I'd start to say, "Well, you get used to..." she'd cut me off and say, "I don't know HOW you DO this job!". She did it so many times I finally said, "I don't know how we DO this job!"

So my other flight attendant got my camera and we took the picture in the seat, but she pulled me back into her and got really close to me. I ended up with a double chin in the picture and some personal space issues for which I'll probably need therapy. She asked about my kids and my boyfriend and said I had pretty eyes and then proceeded to tell me that her husband better give her some SEX when she got home or she was gonna be really mad! "I mean, he better (punches the air) GIVE it to ME when I get home!" Ummm.... ok. Overall, she was very gracious and personable, even if she was a little bit of a freak show. The icing on the cake happened as we were landing. We were wrapping up our conversation, and I offered her my hand to thank her and she shook it, and then abruptly bent down and kissed the back of it. I said, "Oh! Um... thank you!", but what I was really thinking was, 'Lara Flynn Boyle, you're one kooky lady!'