I Simply Remember My Favorite Things

The last few days have been a total mess, as I am sure you have all figured out by now. In fact, I was so eff'n out of my head dealing with it all that I actually put my cell phone in the washing machine. Not in the pocket of my jeans or something like that, which would make sense... I actually picked up a teeshirt, then some socks, and then my cell phone... and tossed them in the already-running washing machine. As I walked away, my brain fog lifted for a second and I suddenly realized what I'd done... but it was too late. After an impressive display of spontaneous phone lights and sounds and an exaggerated, painful death... my phone now smells like water lily and jasmine, but is dead as a doornail. Sigh. Anyway, instead of dwelling on the cluster fk that has been my week, I'd rather focus on something more fun.

Every year Oprah has an episode where she highlights some of her favorite things, and then she gives them to everyone in the audience as gifts. I am not Oprah, and you won't receive anything other than a sense of satisfaction after reading this blog, but today I felt like making a list of a few of the things I enjoy.

The "Breakfast Mom" maker. Any time we go to Jack-in-the-Box, my son gets the "breakfast Jack". 7pm, 6am.. it doesn't matter. He likes it. Well, someone got me this toaster that makes a poached egg, warms the ham or bacon, and toasts the muffin in about five minutes. You just push a button and lower the toast or muffin and a timer then starts each component cooking at the right time so it all gets done together. It kicks ass.

The Mr Clean Magic Eraser. Seriously, this thing has powers like David Copperfield, and I think Mr Clean sold his soul to Satan to create this product. The way it removes basically every stain or mark off of every surface imaginable borders on frightening. With no work on my part whatsoever, it wipes away every trace. I am currently testing the product's usefulness on debt, regret, and ex-lovers.

Steve and Barry's. We originally found this clothing store in Orlando. And confused it for the Magic Kingdom. They had a "grand opening" sale sign up, that advertised that nothing in the store was over $6.99. And it was true. Four years later, they still have that sign up, but sadly, now there is nothing in the store over $19.98. Since the addition of Sarah Jessica Parker, Amanda Bynes, Laird Hamilton, and Bubba Watson golf stuff, the prices have gone up a little, so it's not quite as much fun. However, there are still HUNDREDS of items in these warehouse-sized stores that are under ten bucks. And they last. I have clothes that I bought there four years ago that I still wear every week that haven't even lost a button. They have men's, women's and children's clothes, sportswear, collegiate apparel, shoes, purses, jewelry... Seriously, you can fill up a whole cart and get out of there for under $200 bucks. It will blow your mind.

Children of the Dust This is my favorite movie of all time. It was a made-for-tv movie that aired in 1995. By the end of the third commercial, half of the people I knew were all watching it on TV. We called each other during each commercial break. Anyway, I immediately fell in love with it. There was no way to purchase it back then, so once, when they re-aired it, my aunt recorded it on VHS for me. Except... something happened and it only recorded the sound. I honestly "watched" that movie on VHS with only snow and sound about 150 times. I loved it that much. Years later, my ex paid a fortune to buy a copy of it from someone who was on the Emmy review committee and still had the one that was submitted for nomination. They also released it in the US as "A Good Day to Die", but it was seriously chopped up to make it feature length. They took out most of the good parts. Finally, the ex found a DVD copy of the original movie from overseas, but it is a region 2 DVD so it doesn't play in most players. Still, I love it, and watch it every chance I get. It stars Sidney Poitier, Farrah Fawcett, Billy Wirth, Joanna Going, and Jim Caviezel. It's a sweeping saga of gunslingers and Native Americans and romance and revenge!

Dirt Texturizing Paste by Jonathan Product. When the TV show (Blow Out) came out, I have to admit, I was hooked. First, he looked good. Then, he made everyone else look good. I even flipped out one time walking down the street by the hotel in Burbank when I happened upon the beauty school he attended. I'm a dork. Anyway, I never spend money on expensive cosmetics or products. (I did buy one pot of MAC eyeshadow once, but that was a special treat for myself) However, this stuff actually works. You know how your hair never styles the same after you've just washed it? Well, this stuff makes clean hair style like dirty hair. I can't deal with not washing my hair... even if it does make it curl better or whatever on the second day... I just can't do it. And for $14 bucks, I don't have to. I still want a Jonathan signature long layered hair cut one day. Consider that an addendum to my previous blog about things I'd get when I'm rich.

Tooth Tunes toothbrush Trying to get your kids to remember to brush their teeth three times a day, much less to it well, is like trying to climb Mt Everest... on a mountain bike. This toothbrush runs for two minutes (the suggested timeframe for "doing it well") and plays music that supposedly only plays "inside the head" of the user. I don't know about all of that, but does get my son to not act like he's gonna die every time I ask him to brush his teeth. Some of the songs are actually GOOD, and it only costs $10.

Slingbox This thing is amazing. Because I travel so much... I love it. It's a tiny box that hooks up to your tv, and allows you to control and watch your home tv from anywhere you have an internet connection or on your mobile phone if you have Windows OS. I can sit on my porch with my laptop and watch Grey's. I can also screw with my kids from the other room when I catch them watching something they shouldn't. haha I can control my tivo to record a new show I read about, or watch my own television even if I am in an airport or hotel room across the country. Plus there is no monthly fee or subscription. Again, there is much ass kicking.

203 Ways to Drive a Man Wild in Bed, by Olivia St Claire. This has been one of my top five favorite books since I was... well, I was a teenager... we'll leave it at that. Every time I get a copy of this book I end up loaning it out and never get it back. While there may be a few things in here that will have you standing on your head (literally), mostly this book is about getting you to think creatively about romance and sex. Sex should NOT be boring or routine. Ever. She emphasizes the importance of feeling and knowing that you are sexy, and how even the simplest of techniques will become sexy when delivered that way. I guarantee you won't stop at the 203 ideas she offers... your mind will come up with a million of your own! There are also 302 Advanced Techniques for Driving a Man Wild in Bed and 227 Ways to Unleash the Sex Goddess Within to add to your repertoire... just in case you need them. ;)

So, I've covered teeth brushing, tv watching, house cleaning, hair styling, movie viewing, breakfast cooking, bargain shopping, and baby making. That should keep you busy... for now.