I feel sick. My life makes me feel sick. Like I'm at the fair and I'm on the Tilt-A-Whirl, and I've been on way too long and feel dizzy and green and I keep trying to flag down the guy running the ride, but he's too busy chatting with people in line, and I'm just going around and around and I'm pressed into the seat from the inertia of it all... the dirty seat with gum on it and the paint peeling and the bolts that don't look like they will hold much longer... I'm stuck in the seat and every little while the ride slows and then stops and everyone starts getting off and I try to push up on the bar across my lap but mine is stuck and nobody seems to notice and I'm yanking and shaking it and hollering for the guy to come let me off this ride! Except he doesn't hear me, and here come more people and before I know it here I am going around and around again, and my neck feels weak and wobbly, and I can feel my stomach churning and I shouldn't have eaten before getting on but its the fair, and you always have to eat fried things on sticks when you go to the fair, but now all I really want to do is to get off this seat with the peeling paint and go hide behind a booth and throw up. I want to lay down and not move until the world stops spinning and never ever ever go to a fair again. But I'm spinning. I'm stuck here and going round and round and I can't figure out why everyone else seems to be enjoying this so much. They're screaming and laughing and holding up their hands and smiling so big that their cheeks will hurt later and there they all go, off to the Fun House where I'd like to go and look in mirrors that make my problems seem small. There they go and I'm stuck here under this bar with my stupid goldfish in its plastic bag, feeling sick, and wobbly, and overwhelmed.
7 comments:
I hear they have a cure for it called Dramamine. Life isn't fair. We all have to deal.
I hear they have a name for jerkoffs that have to post mean things like that. I guess some people apparently learned their manners in a barn. I wonder if it's the same "anonymous" that used to leave things on my blog. I hope things get better for you babe. Sounds like it's been a helluva past couple of days for you. Your Blog Fam loves you.
You're fabulous! Remember that and never forget it! Tomorrow is a new day. Kiss kiss hug hug!!
I so appreciate the comments... Sometimes it really helps to give a voice to my frustration. And it's very true that we all struggle. I am so thankful that I have good friends to support me and also that I have the ability to articulate my feelings and get them out. After all, there are those who just take a pill and go through life anonymously.
Detractors are icky and sadly they're always lurking on the Web. Don't let them discourage your blogging though because you write for YOU not for THEM. I know probably more than anyone leaving a comment here what this year has been like for you, not to mention your entire life and especially the past few days. I empathize and am sending a virtual forcefield to surround you with nothing but good juju. Btw, the good thing about the Tilt-A-Whirl thingy is that eventually...it stops and we get to get off the ride. :) xoxo
I really have to say, I LOVE your posts! I've never read anything by you that I couldn't directly relate to, and - as scary as this sounds - your posts seem to come at the very time I need catharsis. It's always good to read someone else's take on certain things, and I must say, I could never have said it better myself. This ride of life seems as if it sometimes rotates faster than other times. If we could only find one speed, just right in the middle, and coast by, not too slow, not too fast...aaah...it's nice to dream, isn't it.
Jen, I'm sorry I didn't go on much yesterday and just saw this here at 6:30 a.m. in Chicago now. I hope that whatever has been ailing you is put to rest soon. You're in my thoughts.
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