Who's the boss?

There are few things in this world that are more unattractive than a bossy woman. I don't care what she looks like. An aesthetically pleasing woman might as well be a troll if she is constantly delivering commands and edicts. Conversely, a woman who might not catch your eye at first can seem pretty darn welcoming when she has a sweet spirit or communicates in a respectful way. Being kind is the new pretty.

Bossy women are one of my biggest pet peeves. They are the reason that men hate their wives. They are the reason for the term 'ball and chain'. They are the reason that everyone thinks of women as tiring nags. They give the rest of us a bad rap. Sometimes, I think it is just a personality trait. When I was a kid, I was pretty bossy. I usually needed to be the one to decide what game we played or what show we watched. But, it wasn't because I needed to be in control. It was because I just thought my idea was better. As I grew, I realized that sometimes other people have good ideas too. Sometimes, when we did it their way it was easier, or faster, or more fun. Sometimes, it just made them happy to do things their way. I learned to enjoy the happiness of others more than the gratification of getting my way. Bossiness was a personality trait that I mostly outgrew.

I think for some women, it is also a defense mechanism or an acquired survival technique. Because so many women are forced to work in 'a man's world' and are expected to hold their own in such a testosterone-based environment, they have adapted this Alpha Dog persona to show that they can't be taken advantage of and are just as tough... can do just as much. It is just too cliche to use their wily charms and femininity as a tool instead of a hinderance. I suppose it is hard to make that transition to being feminine and emotionally pliant when they leave the office every day. So they come home, still barking orders, still nagging about the broken this or the messy that... and everyone just tunes out.

Women do it with other women, too. Generally, it is those who feel themselves inferior who find the need to be bossy with other women. They feign confidence by being 'in charge'. I rarely meet a truly confident woman who feels the need to throw their weight around... and often you can see it within seconds. Just this weekend, I had the chance to see one of the best real-life comparisons of this scenario. One of the flight attendants on my crew was like Hurricane Katrina. She moved with fury. She never clicked, only slammed. She couldn't whisper, only shout. Every single thing about her was forceful and destructive. And she had to be in control of every single thing that happened for three days. By the end of the first leg, my levee had broken and I was sitting on the roof of my patience waiting to be rescued. And you know who saved me? My other crew member. She was a perfect spring day. And the best thing about the comparison was that she was able to be the polar opposite, without being a pushover or mousy in any way. She was fun and kind and sweet, she understood people and how to get what she wanted without being manipulative or bossy, and she made you want to like her. She was refreshingly feminine without being prissy. Truth be told, I probably would have slit my wrists with a safety information card if she hadn't been there.

Nobody wants to be told what to do. We didn't like it when we were kids and we especially don't like it as adults. It goes back to the old 'flies with honey' adage, I guess... but I wish that more women could embrace the power inherent in being feminine. I wish they could understand how much better it works to ask than to tell. There is a reason that How to Win Friends and Influence People is one of the bestselling books of all time. There is so much power in kindness. Softness and generosity are natural attractants. I don't care how much time you spend working out, or making up your face, or getting your hair and nails done... the single most effective tool to being an attractive woman is a genuine smile and a warm personality. Try it and see...