Oh, I'm still Alive...

Did I ever tell you the story about the time I saw Eddie Vedder almost kill himself?
I hadn't thought about it in years, but yesterday morning as I was driving, Yellow Ledbetter came on the radio. I started singing at the top of my lungs, except... I realized that even after all this time... I don't know the words. I don't really feel bad about it, though, because I think pretty much everyone doesn't know the words. It's been a long time since there was a song that good-- that was also totally unintelligible. Anyway, it reminded me of 1996, when I had the best friends of all time and we embarked on a wild adventure that I will never forget.
When Pearl Jam announced their world tour dates and we heard that they'd be coming to Florida, we knew we had to go. The tickets for every single show went on sale at the same date and time, and were only available through a toll free number... so we were all so stressed out thinking we might not get tickets that we decided we would stop at nothing to get them. At the time, I worked as the assistant manager of the call center for a carpet cleaning company... so I decided I would use that to my advantage. In a stroke of sheer luck, the day the tickets went on sale was the day after quarter beer night at The Stadium Club, which everybody knew meant Grant the Manager would not make it in due to some "mysterious illness" (read: massive hangover). About twenty minutes before the tickets were released, I had all my telemarketers hang up the phone and announced that everyone was now working for me! Everyone would dial the toll free number at the same time, and whoever got through would order the tickets and would go home for the day--with pay! Great plan, right? Well, THREE people got through and ordered tickets, so I ended up having to sell a whole bunch of them to these dirty people in a van in the mall parking lot... but that's a whole other story.
Anyway, we had planned everything to the nth detail, and the day we drove out of Jacksonville down to Ft Lauderdale, the excitement was palpable. We took two cars. In one, there was Justin (who looked like Hugh Grant), his friend (whose name escapes me... but looked exactly like Judge Ito from the Simpson trial), Christine (my best friend) and Megan (who didn‘t look like anyone but was a very sweet girl). In my car it was me (who looked a whole lot like Alicia Silverstone at the time) and my favorite person Scott (who looked a hell of a lot like Conan O'Brien). With all the look-a-likes, we even got approached by a guy at Burger King during our lunch stop who asked if we did parties. The drive down was so much fun! Scott brought along the ‘Apollo 18’ album by They Might be Giants, which has something like 30 tracks on it, but some of them are only a few seconds long and say bizarre things like “Please pass the milk..” which makes for a riotous good time when you put the CD on shuffle and you happen to be a teenager. Anyway, we drove all the way there in our separate cars and as we entered Ft Lauderdale we saw the traffic was getting pretty tight. We pulled over and went through the directions to our hotel and decided if we got separated, we would just meet there. As we entered the five o’clock rush hour in downtown Ft. Lauderdale, Scott and I were listening to the radio. Suddenly, it sounded as if aliens were assuming control of my car… all the lights started flashing and horrible, loud, foreign sounds were coming from all of the speakers. I turned the radio off, but the sounds persisted. I was terrified. I was going to miss the Pearl Jam concert because I got abducted by aliens! (Just in case this happens to you, don’t be alarmed… the lights and sounds are not aliens. It’s your alternator.) My car died completely (no power even to the hazard lights) right in the middle of an intersection in the middle of rush hour. Scott ran to call for a tow truck and I cried. A lot.
When we finally got towed to the hotel, we were totally exhausted! Our friends had just assumed we had taken off to do something fun, so it never occurred to them to come back and see if we needed help. And then, we suddenly realized the worst part of it all: that we would not be able to go to the concert! There was SIX of us and Justin drove a two-door Geo Metro! All of our planning and we were going to miss what was sure to be the greatest show of all time! Wait. The greatest show of all time? You don’t MISS the greatest show of all time!! So, in the spirit of youth we packed all six of us into that tiny car. There was a lot of “Hey, you’re on my…” and “I can’t feel my arm any more…”, but we survived.
And, boy was it worth it! Eddie Vedder was so f’d up that he couldn’t even remember the words to “Jeremy“. He kept mumbling and trailing off and getting the words mixed up. But that was ok! Half of the crowd was as f’d up as he was, and anyway, we all just sang it for him. I think he even asked for help singing at one point. Then, in a moment I will never forget… Eddie started climbing the scaffolding that was holding the lighting apparatus at the sides of the stage. He was turning around and growling out (some of) the lyrics to “Porch” as he climbed. Everyone got a little tense… what was he doing? He was known for stage diving , but he kept climbing higher and higher and we all were mesmerized. It was a very windy night in the outdoor stadium (there was a hurricane brewing) and he obviously was not in control of all of his motor functions. And then… he slipped. The entire crowd of thousands gasped in unison. We watched as Eddie Vedder hung from the scaffolding… caught from a free-fall by nothing but his red suspenders. I don’t know how or why those suspenders held, but that was probably one of the most incredible moments I’ve ever experienced. He got his footing again and climbed down and he resumed slurring the song even before he’d reached solid ground… and then said he just wanted to get a better look at everybody. Now, THAT'S rock 'n' roll.

That was an incredible night. No matter how long I live I will always be thankful for good friends, road trips, and red suspenders.